and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
