There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
