We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
