Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
