Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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