update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
