I'll bet she douches with gravy.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
