did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
