I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
