dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
