The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
