can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
never play flip cup with pint glasses
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
