U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
