you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
