yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
