But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
