OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I believe in your delicious
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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