i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
