I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
