I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
