We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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