if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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