I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
