I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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