Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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