next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
