yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
