youre lurking in front of me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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