I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
