so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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