Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
