I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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