All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
