She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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