Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
