I wish I only lived at night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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