Already got asked if we're dating
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
