You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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