my phone needs a breathalizer
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
