I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
