I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
