Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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