the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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