Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize