I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
