dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Drake has all the answers
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
