East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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