I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize