Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize