6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
