my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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