best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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