I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
