Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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