I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
