is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The power of my boobs compel you
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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