history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
