literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the day after is always just damage control
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
