The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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