Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
