AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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