Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
