woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
