if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
