can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
