I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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