Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
