I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
