you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Its about making memories worth repressing
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
