my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
