butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
