I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
