No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
