If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
